I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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