I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
