yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
