That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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