I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
