He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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