If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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