I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
