Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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