I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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