just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
