Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
