You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
