Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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