I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
