I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
