Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
