note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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