dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I seem to have left my pride at pride
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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