So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
