Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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