the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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