I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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