Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
a search helicopter?!
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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