i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
