the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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