Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
