Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
