Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
