I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
