apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
