before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
