At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
