i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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