Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
