Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
