Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
