fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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