you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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