have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
