I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
