Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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