So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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