margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
