margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
