Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
