I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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