Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
