I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
