Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You ruined the universe
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
