So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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