just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
